It can be really hard at times to assert your authority over your children! Sometimes, we just want to take the easy route, but in the long-run, it only makes things more difficult. These 5 Ways Parents Give Up Authority and How to Fix It will help to get the required authority back in your hands, regardless of what is happening in your household!
Mom But Not A Mom had great tips to make sure that authority was something that a child didn’t take away from a parent. But it’s always important to remember that there is a difference between your child being empowered to make specific decisions and giving children complete authority over what they are going to do!
All parents want to make sure that children are comfortable with a growing level of independence through empowering them. It promotes life skills they need as they grow and helps them become successful. But giving a child authority over parents is when kids can be put at risk with the decisions they are making! It’s not healthy or safe!
So how do parents mistakenly put authority into their children’s hands? These 5 ways show how a parent can undermine their own authority and lead to problems in the parent-child relationship later.
1. Failing to follow through with Discipline
Who hasn’t let this slip a time or two on their parenting journey?! It can be really difficult to always follow through with all of the rules and consequences we lay out, but as Mom But Not A Mom states, without following through, we start to give up the authority we have over our kids. It tells them that we don’t actually have the power to do what we say we will!
Discipline isn’t fun, there is no way around it. But it does guide our kids into becoming successful adults with a positive compass to follow. So can you maintain consistency?
- Keep yourself and your spouse accountable. You both need to be on the same page and follow through with why you say you will and administer the necessary consequences when necessary!
- Ease up on the Rules, which is definitely easier said than done! Pretty soon, if you try to make a rule for every single thing, you’re going to forget what you said and everyone will forget the consequences for breaking a rule, as well! So make sure you don’t sweat the small stuff and keep rules for the big items that you don’t want to waver on!
- Don’t make empty threats with your kids and don’t follow through! If you say you’re going to throw away something your child wants because they aren’t listening, but than don’t do it, your kids are going to know that you don’t mean what you say. And before you know it, you’ve lost your authority!
2. Never Letting Them Cry
While this may seem a little controversial, Mom But Not A Mom has a great point! Never letting them cry isn’t fair! They aren’t able to deal with their emotions in a healthy way and they don’t learn how to handle issues that lead to them crying. But how does it undermine parental authority?
Because if your child is never crying about things going on around them, it more than likely means they have you wrapped around your finger! You’re catering to their every need and soon they will see you as a servant, not an authority figure! Don’t let them test boundaries to the point where you are always making sure they are happy and content, with no reason to cry. They don’t always get the toy they want or the ice cream they ask for!
3. Conforming to Slow Obedience
As the old saying goes, “slow obedience is disobedience”. Every child is going to rebel at times and test your limits, but you are the one making the rules, not your child. Don’t let them tell you that they will do what you ask of them AFTER they are done doing something else that they are doing. Like playing the game, watching the TV, reading their favorite magazine, etc.
Don’t let them get distracted! Instead, ask them to take a break in what they are doing and they will be able to finish it after chores are done, homework is finished, or whatever they are being asked to do.
4. Tolerate Laziness In Your Children
Do you seem to find that you are assigning a chore to your children and suddenly, you’re busy picking up after them because they did everything BUT their chores? Mom But Not A Mom sure does!
Enforcing responsibility is such an important thing to do in order to teach your children responsibility! When you don’t enforce the rules, you are compromising your own authority! All your children see is that you asked them to do something, they didn’t, and you ended up doing it for them.
And suddenly your kids are in charge! It’s not easy, but put in that extra effort to follow-through and before long, your kids will be given more responsibility, and earn respect, as they get older!
5. Ignoring Disrespect
One thing that Mom But Not A Mom doesn’t tolerate is disrespect! This includes things like backtalk, bossiness, rudeness, hitting, kicking, spitting, willful disobedience, name calling and the silent treatment.
All you’re doing when you allow this type of behavior is giving them permission to take all of the authority away from you, as a parent and disrespect any form of authority in their life.
That being said, children learn by example! Teach them how respect you, as well as others, by making yourself a parent who is worthy of respect!
How do you make sure that you aren’t compromising your authority in your home? Are their other ways that you see the children taking things over in your home? How do you plan on getting it back?
Click on the following link for more details and to view the original article and image credit: Who’s in Charge? Putting Authority Back Into the Hands of Parents